I'm back!

Much has happened since I last posted . . . I won't go into it all the nitty gritty - the end result is that 2.5 years later and I'm now based in the UK, I travel to Bermuda quarterly to meet with existing clients, develop new business and to visit family and friends. 

Moving countries, starting again was a lot more of a challenge than I anticipated - making the move was the right thing to do for many reasons.  What I did not anticipate was the sense of overwhelm and vulnerability that accompanied my move.  The overwhelm lead to a stagnation - and I spent almost a year in a self-imposed "time-out" ...essentially a very large road block.

Traditionally, my way of dealing with trauma or life's challenges is to immerse myself in my work.  Losing myself at work has always been a great escape, it is my safe haven.  When I was employed, those that I worked with knew that they could count on me to deliver the tasks set, the more they threw at me, the more I thrived.  I responded well to the pressure and derived a great sense of satisfaction by the number of balls that I could juggle at one time.

As a solopreneur, the responsibility of setting tasks, establishing deadlines rests with me and while I am an excellent multitasker - I experience a slight disconnect when I am both setting direction, creating the tasks, setting deadlines and then doing the necessary work required to achieve my desired outcome.  I found myself yearning to return to the world that I had left behind, I missed collaborating with colleagues, I missed leading a team and I mourned the loss of a regular paycheck! 

There were opportunities to return full time to the corporate world and as I considered them there was this little voice inside that insisted that returning was not the solution.  If returning full-time to the corporate arena was not an option, then what were my options.

Time for me to get really clear on what it was that I wanted to do.  I realised that this self-imposed "time-out' that I created was having an adverse impacting on my overall well being, the number on the scale was slowly increasing and my "can-do" attitude was disintegrating (all not good!).

I know that physical movement does wonder for my psyche so, and decided to get back on the floor and to start dancing again!   I re-discovered Gyrokinesis / Gyrotonic again - (there's a Master teacher less than 10 minutes away from me) and ...even better, a new Nia White Belt teacher had just started up Nia classes a few doors down from the Gyro studio. 

As I started to physically move again, other things began to fall into place.  I partnered up with two other coaches to create a coach training program designed especially for the Arabic countries as well as developing strategic alliances in Bermuda and here in the UK. 

I put my name forward and was elected as a Director for the UK ICF (International Coach Federation) Chapter and have gotten involved with a number of exciting board initiatives. 

I'm moving, collaborating and working with a team again - the fog is lifting and it feels fabulous!!! 

The next step on my quest is to complete my business / life plan, establish SMART goals for each segment together with an action plan.

To follow or to lead ...

I love to dance and move about - for me it is how I 'free up' - my spirit loves it ...and I love the natural high I get from immersing myself into the music.

At last week's ICF (International Coach Federation) conference I had the opportunity to attend one of the sandbox sessions that used the tango as a tool to deepen our knowledge as coaches. It was an interesting experience for me. I love watching the tango, the interchange between the dancers and find it quite beautiful, sexy even.

Now, you may find yourself asking what does the tango have to do with coaching. You may not, but I did ...and to make sure that I did not miss it, I volunteered to be a room host at the session.

I walked into the room to see that it had been transformed into a ball room with a very large dance floor resting on top of the wall to wall carpet. I don't really know what I was expecting - but actually learning to dance the tango was not it. Yes, I love to dance - but I'm not that good in partner dancing, especially when I am being lead.

My natural tendency is to lead and / or create my own steps. I find that when I follow, I tend to trip over my own feet as well as that of my partner's as I try to anticipate their next moves - which doesn't create a pretty picture. So when tasked with finding a partner, I immediately chose one of the tallest men in the room who looked like he knew what he was doing. I had already observed that he was a very good dancer and figured that if I was going to have to follow anyone, it would have to be someone who knew what they were doing! As it happens, one of the first things out of his mouth post introductions was that he grew up ballroom dancing. :-)

Our first go round was OK ... the ease of moving around en masse was hampered by my inner struggle with being led. It was not until the instructor issued fresh instructions requiring all those that were in the shoes of the follower to close our eyes and those in the shoes of the leader were not allowed to use verbal cues as we moved around the room.

I will admit that the thought of closing my eyes and allowing a complete stranger lead me around the room was not appealing. I saw a few people quickly make haste to the door and while there was a little part of me that wanted to join them - I had committed to being there and asked myself . . . "What's the worst thing that can happen?" . . . It's one of my favorite questions to ask myself and a client when faced with the prospect of doing something new. My answer was that I could learn something new - I shrugged off the fear, closed my eyes and as I opened myself up to the accept the gift of being in the moment.

The result, something magical happened . . . the earlier clumsiness disappeared and I found the experience to be quite relaxing. When the instructor announced it was time to switch places - I felt a little tense as I assumed responsibility for maneuvering my partner around the room with his eyes shut. I found that as I relaxed into the role, the more grounded I became the more we flowed across the floor. When we provided feedback to each other at the end of the round, my partner reported that he could sense the change in me as I relaxed into the role and that the more I did, the easier it was for me to relax and to be lead.

Over the course of the two hour session, we switched partners several times. I was eager to try this new sensation out on a variety of different people and selected all sorts of physical shapes and sizes as well as demeanour's. I discovered that the experience, whether I was being lead or being the leader was equally powerful. The gift in opening myself up to the possibility of being in the moment gave way to success.

At the end of the session, some of us elected to remain and continue the dance. The only difference was that now we were doing it with our eyes open and and were free to move without instruction. My original partner came up to me and suggested that we put our new found skills to the test ...and ...much to my chagrin, ego stepped in and I was right back where I began ...wanting to take the lead. He suggested that i close my eyes ... I wanted to ...but my ego wanted to keep up with the more experienced tango dancers.

So rather than continue ... I thanked him and went to the side for a few minutes. Another friend came up and suggested that we give it a go. This time, I made the decision that my ego was going to have to sit on the sidelines ...and ...well ...to my delight (any my partner's) we soon found ourselves gliding across the dance floor. 
Getting the dance in the body is so very important for me - I also know that continuous practice will lead to mastery ....as Richard Strozzi Heckler says "It takes 3,000 repetitions to change a pattern and 10,000 repetitions to embody it." It is helpful for me to remember that mastery doesn't happen over night - and while I'm not keeping count ...I am confident that the more I practice the easier it will get.

Come join the dance with me ....

Lots of love,

Norma

PS - I ran into my first dance partner several times during the conference and on the last day he gave me copy of his book  "Less Stress, More Success!"  with a beautiful inscription inside. 

The Blindside

Yesterday was a good day...I started off with a bit of Sanjana, then went exploring as it was a free day for me here in Orlando.

Along the way - I happened upon this Greek restaurant and had the most delicious hummus ever ...I've never had it so fresh where they literally mash the chick peas, olive oil, garlic and a bit of salt in this wooden mortar and pestle set at the table! It was scrumptious!! It is definitely something that I will do at home -as I'm afraid that pre-packaged stuff won't measure up.

If you have not seen Blindside - I would highly recommend it. For me, it helped me to remember that everyone has their own unique style and learning preference. Here was a kid that many were blind to his talents and strengths - and for those that did see the potential - the question was how to tap into it.

As often happens in movies or books, I find that I associate with many of the characters in the story. I can be the villain, the good guy, the ingénue ...all of them. Like the central character in The Blindside....I am physically a large person with a gentle spirit. There are many that may look at me and make assumptions about what I can or cannot do as a result of my size. There are times when I am with the naysayers 100% - and then something will happen that serves as a reminder that I am graceful and that I possess fluidity when I move that is special.

Sometimes when I first start to move, I can feel the heaviness in my body that has settled in from being inactive - and as I start to shimmy or rumble or shake the hips ...I can feel it loosening up ...the more I shake, rattle and roll the brighter my inner light shines. I saw the same happen with the young man in the movie and was thankful for the reminder.

As it happens.... the timing of the movie was sychronistic - in that I have had a series of conversations over the past few days and heard myself remind those I love that when one door closes another door opens. I listened to their concern and saw their desire to want to make it all better for someone else.

As a mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend there are many times when I want to wave my magic wand and make it all better for everyone in my life. I know that this is not possible and that in truth, I can't do it for anyone ...only for myself. While I cannot do it for others, I am discovering that by learning to embrace and love myself, I can help shine the light for others.

Thanks for being in my life!
Lots of love,

Norma

PS ... Is there an area in your life that you've turned a blind eye too? :-)

PPS ... Mom ...take a break from the cards ...and shake your bootie :-)

Week one ...completed :-)

It is said that once you learn how to do something you never truly loose it.  Although I have been moving more this year than I did in my final years at XL ... I was surprised to find my muscles stiffening up as the week progressed.   A true indication that I have not been putting as much effort into moving my entire body daily. 

To ease through the stiffness, I reached out to yoga (I'm trying to make it a friend) and with the aid of DvD's worked my way through poses that focus on lower back and hips. 

I received the following notice at the beginning of the week:  

"My Dearest Friends~


Come Dance and Celebrate the Beauty of who you are!!

With gentle guidance discover the incredible ways in which you can move and be moved!

Friday Night 8:15pm-10:00pm
Little Church House
(right on the corner of Chapel and Middle Roads, in Paget)

$20.00 /class

Wear something comfy Bring water

This is an ongoing, Friday night, Dance Experience! Whether you are new to movement, or you are a pro, you will be brought to your own edge, and get to dive into the expanse of your own unfolding beauty.


Any Shape, any size, AnyBody is Welcome.

If you have a body, you can dance! This is a Safe, Loving, Fun environment where, with gentle guidance and a spirit of openness, we come to move with ease and grace

and honesty. Life is a Dance!

"...follow your courageous spirit... jump in!"

Well...you know that this is right up my alley - and the fact that it's an evening class was even better!  Ironically, the venue is one that a friend in the US suggested that I use to teach NIA ... so I was very curious to experience what was being offered and made plans to attend on Friday evening.

So, instead of vegging on the couch flipping through tv channels or playing games on the computer screen - I ventured out, eager to move in the presence of others.  It was a small group of women - they were all friendly and welcoming.  As she described what was to unfold - I found myself wondering if this was based on Gabrielle Roth's 5 Rythms (Flowing, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical and Stillness) ....after the introduction of the second wave - I was compelled to ask - and the teacher confirmed that it was.  I enjoyed moving around - and incorporated some of NIA's 5 Stages into the last number as my body was craving the support of the floor.  It felt good to play around in the embryonic stage, using the floor for support.

At the end of the class we came into a circle - and collectively we created a poem - as each person around the circle said something that reflected where they were at that moment ... that when spun together resulted in a lovely poem. 

I discovered at the end of the class that the other particpants knew each other as they were all members of the Ba'hai community.  They got very excited when I said my maiden name ...and wanted to know if I was related to Randy & Oonagh - they all wanted to know when you were next coming to Bermuda and have sent hugs to you both as well as the boys. 

I didn't do much physically on Sunday as I spent most of the day in transit from Bermuda to Orlando, FL.  Walking between gates as well up and down the terminal is not quite enough.  I did manage to meet up with a friend who was in transit to Paris - so we had lunch together at JFK.  We went to Bobby Van's restaurant at JFK - if you find yourself hungry and you're hanging about in Terminal 8 I would highly recommend it.  We shared a calamari starter ...with an interesting twist (lightly seasoned and coated in sweet thai chili sauce with a peanut sauce)...I will admit that I was a little dubious -but my friend said that it was really good ...and after one bite ...I had to agree ...it was scrumptious! 

This morning I woke up and listened to Sanjana - Mel and I are both working to learn the routine - and have committed to learn 3 of the songs this week.  It is important that I fully embody the routine -as I will need to be ready to lead a class when I do my green belt in March.  It's also nice to be doing it with Mel.  Katrine is hoping to do her White Belt in 2010 - and by that time she's have two great mentor's!

It's time for me to get physical!

Have a great day!  Thanks for all of your support.

Lots of love,

Norma

Time

It's amazing how fast time can seem to pass at times ...and yet at other times - - - it can seem like time does nothing but stand still!

Here I am 11 months into 2009 and as often as I crafted things in my head to write - I never managed to actually transcribe my thoughts into words. In many respects, this reflects my state of being this past year. As excited as I was to reach my goal of donating 50 lbs to Structure House ... I soon discovered that there was a very big part of me - that really was not ready to let go of the excess.

I'm pleased to report that I did not reclaim the entire donation .... I did manage to claw back a few pounds and now after 11 months find that I'm recouped 15 lbs from my initial donation. (Not good!)

When I first started this journey, I decided to create the blog as I was looking for something that would help me to keep on track and as a tool to be accountable. As a coach, I know that being accountable for the steps that I take to achieve my goal usually leads to a successful outcome.

I've slightly revised my goal this time ....instead of donating weight ...I've decided that I will simply focus on dancing my dance - this means a daily commitment to move, shake, and celebrate the joy of movement!

For incentive, I've signed up for additional NIA trainings in 2010 - the first will be 5 Stages of Healing in Portland Oregon with Debbie Rosas in February and at the end of March I will head to Cambridge MA to do my NIA Green Belt with Carlos Rosas.

I started the week with NIA Unplugged ...I love that the entire routine is done to the sound of drums ...the beat is electrifying. Today, I did Opal ...it's one of my favorite routines ...although I will admit that I did get a bit stuck with the yoga moves at the end. I do know that with practice it will get easier.

It's been a while yes ...but it feels good to be back.

Lots of love,

Norma

Woohoo!!! - Target Goal # 1 - Completed on 5th December 2008

It's amazing! I have been hovering around my first target goal for the last week or so .... in fact I was less than half a pound a way ... and instead of steamrolling towards the finished - - - I found myself rolling in the opposite direction. After a day or two of craving all things unhealthy ... I made myself - STOP - and take some time to explore this desire to sabotage my efforts.

Actually recognising and acknowledging that this was something that I was doing was not exactly a comfortable place to visit. However, instead of beating myself up about it ... I chose to embrace this knowledge as evidence of the success that I have achieved to date. In the past ... it would have taken me months, well actually years - before I was brave enough to stop and explore what I was doing ....and .... WOW ...look at how far I've gotten ...that within 48 hours - I'm taking action!

In my exploration of the "why" I became aware of a pattern I have of avoiding closure or completing things. I know that I am great at starting things - and really enjoy digging in and getting into the thick of things ...but as the end date draws closer, I find myself slowing down and creating other "stuff" that all serve to clutter up the path to successfully achieve the target that I have set for myself.

Never one to turn away from a challenge - I challenged myself to explore what it was I was afraid of - and asked myself - how does not completing or delaying the completion of a goal / task serve me?

Well ...by not completing or delaying the completion of a goal - I reinforce that part of me that is afraid of success ... yes, that's right ... S U C C E S S. It's seems that while many may be afraid to fail ...I Norma A Nielsen am afraid of success, primarily because with success - it sets a bar a little higher ...and means that I have to reach for something else...and the cycle continues. By delaying success .... it gives me a little bit of wiggle room to figure what that next step is going to be - it also feeds into a familiar place of self doubt and whether or not I am worthy of success.
Not completing the task - lends itself to failure ...which lil miss self doubt / unworthiness just laps up!

Does it serve me? Yes it does - is it in my best interest to wallow in that space - No, not really. So ... armed with this new found knowledge ....I took a breath, took a step ...and what do you know ....??? Not only did I hit my target goal .... I surpassed it! It feels great - and I'm armed and ready for the next 50!

As you know the first 50 went to Structure House...rather than gift the next 50 to them - I decided to gift it towards offsetting the current economic crisis. I figured that if anything could use a bit of fat ...it's the world economy! :-)

Thanks for all of your support!

Much love,

Norma

Embracing the unknown!

Slowing down and taking time to "smell the roses" has not come as easy as I would like.

As much as I had contemplated life post-XL - I had not really considered what it would be like to let go of the day-to-day routine. My day was pretty full - I literally woke up, grabbed the blackberry as I headed to the bathroom (it's amazing, my day didn't seem right - without first checking email, to see what had happened during the night). A few emails later, I'd glance at my watch - jump into the shower, get dressed - and head into the office to attend my first meeting of the day. Between meetings and calls, I tackled anything urgent or required an immediate response - and before I knew it - it was time of day when I should have stopped for lunch - but it was also a good time to check in with London or the Continent before their day ended. Most days I ate at my desk - sometimes it would be late afternoon and I'd realise that lunch had come and gone - and with afternoon meetings just minutes away, I'd make a mad dash to the deli on the corner to grab something to eat.

As the end of the day neared, I'd cram in a few more meetings - desperately try to find some time to do some of the tasks that arose out of the meetings or any of the requests that had arrived via email and POOF! it was already 6 PM. Usually this was the best time to start tackling actual work ...by then most of my calls / meetings were done for the day- and the quiet part of my day would start. I'd turn on my music, think about getting to the gym before it closes at 8 pm ...and get going. The office cleaners would come and go - and I'd be in my own little cocoon working away....time would inevitably slip away - and I'd glance at my watch and discover that it was getting close to 9 pm - I'd often think ...just one more thing and I'd call it a night. My tummy would start to rumble - and by 10 - 10:30 I'd be heading out the door - hungry & ready to unwind after a full day at the office. Eventually crawling into my bed between 1 and 2 AM ....only to start again at 7:30 when the alarm sounded.

Having essentially kept this pace for what now seems like forever - I have found myself at a bit of a loss this past week. I have lots of things that I want and / or need to do - and have struggled with accomplishing them. I recognise that I enjoy being busy - and when I'm not - I have a tendency to squander time. My to do list languishes at my desk - eagerly waiting for me to tick something off and my little gremlin is perched on my shoulder scolding me for not doing....

It's funny, I used to take great pride in ticking things off the list ... and am beginning to suspect that while the list is pending - that it somehow satisfies the part of me that needs to be busy. In truth - I'm attempting to creating an illusion of being busy. Alas, the illusion does not work -and you guessed it my little gremlin is quick to point this out and once again chastises me for not tackling the list head on.

I've come to realise that this game that I'm playing is not new - while I have accomplished much - I have always had a few items left on my list - I always managed to find something to add to the list and it has never been empty. As I write, I find myself wondering if I will ever take comfort in having a blank to do list. Gulp .... is it possible?

I find myself wondering ... "What happens when everything on my list, actually, any list is completed? For some reason, I have concluded that once the list is completed - my world will come to an end. But ...is that true? Let's see ... I do create shopping lists and check lists for various projects and tasks - and ... well - I do generally pick up everything on my shopping list as well as manage to check on the items on my "check list". Here in Bermuda when it comes to grocery shopping, it may mean hitting a few shops to get all the items on the list - but at the end of the day when every item has been crossed off - it feels good! And you know what? The world did not come to an end! :-) Actually, I am beginning to see that I have completed a great number of lists in my day ....and well ..I survived.

So ...my test this week is to venture forth and complete the items on my to do list. I suspect that all will be fine and have no doubt that as I move forward, new things will find their way on to the list or a new list will be created. Lists have a habit of growing - but even if it doesn't grow - (which I can't in all honesty imagine) - I know in my heart that all will be well.

What I know for sure, is that I do not want to revert to the daily grind that I left at XL - the path that I was following then was not a healthy one. I enjoyed the challenges and the opportunities that came my way over the years - I mastered that dance, now it is time for me to embrace the unknown :-) to live my life fully, "wholistically" and to create a schedule that works for me!

For now, I shall savour each step that I take in this great unknown - I shall embrace it, play with it and just enjoy it - as for each step creates an a new awareness of what lies ahead - and here - it looks pretty good :-)

Have a fabulous week everyone!

Lots of love,

Norma

PS - if you ever see me re-tracing the path I was following at XL - please remind to stop and smell the roses!