Woohoo!!! - Target Goal # 1 - Completed on 5th December 2008

It's amazing! I have been hovering around my first target goal for the last week or so .... in fact I was less than half a pound a way ... and instead of steamrolling towards the finished - - - I found myself rolling in the opposite direction. After a day or two of craving all things unhealthy ... I made myself - STOP - and take some time to explore this desire to sabotage my efforts.

Actually recognising and acknowledging that this was something that I was doing was not exactly a comfortable place to visit. However, instead of beating myself up about it ... I chose to embrace this knowledge as evidence of the success that I have achieved to date. In the past ... it would have taken me months, well actually years - before I was brave enough to stop and explore what I was doing ....and .... WOW ...look at how far I've gotten ...that within 48 hours - I'm taking action!

In my exploration of the "why" I became aware of a pattern I have of avoiding closure or completing things. I know that I am great at starting things - and really enjoy digging in and getting into the thick of things ...but as the end date draws closer, I find myself slowing down and creating other "stuff" that all serve to clutter up the path to successfully achieve the target that I have set for myself.

Never one to turn away from a challenge - I challenged myself to explore what it was I was afraid of - and asked myself - how does not completing or delaying the completion of a goal / task serve me?

Well ...by not completing or delaying the completion of a goal - I reinforce that part of me that is afraid of success ... yes, that's right ... S U C C E S S. It's seems that while many may be afraid to fail ...I Norma A Nielsen am afraid of success, primarily because with success - it sets a bar a little higher ...and means that I have to reach for something else...and the cycle continues. By delaying success .... it gives me a little bit of wiggle room to figure what that next step is going to be - it also feeds into a familiar place of self doubt and whether or not I am worthy of success.
Not completing the task - lends itself to failure ...which lil miss self doubt / unworthiness just laps up!

Does it serve me? Yes it does - is it in my best interest to wallow in that space - No, not really. So ... armed with this new found knowledge ....I took a breath, took a step ...and what do you know ....??? Not only did I hit my target goal .... I surpassed it! It feels great - and I'm armed and ready for the next 50!

As you know the first 50 went to Structure House...rather than gift the next 50 to them - I decided to gift it towards offsetting the current economic crisis. I figured that if anything could use a bit of fat ...it's the world economy! :-)

Thanks for all of your support!

Much love,

Norma

Embracing the unknown!

Slowing down and taking time to "smell the roses" has not come as easy as I would like.

As much as I had contemplated life post-XL - I had not really considered what it would be like to let go of the day-to-day routine. My day was pretty full - I literally woke up, grabbed the blackberry as I headed to the bathroom (it's amazing, my day didn't seem right - without first checking email, to see what had happened during the night). A few emails later, I'd glance at my watch - jump into the shower, get dressed - and head into the office to attend my first meeting of the day. Between meetings and calls, I tackled anything urgent or required an immediate response - and before I knew it - it was time of day when I should have stopped for lunch - but it was also a good time to check in with London or the Continent before their day ended. Most days I ate at my desk - sometimes it would be late afternoon and I'd realise that lunch had come and gone - and with afternoon meetings just minutes away, I'd make a mad dash to the deli on the corner to grab something to eat.

As the end of the day neared, I'd cram in a few more meetings - desperately try to find some time to do some of the tasks that arose out of the meetings or any of the requests that had arrived via email and POOF! it was already 6 PM. Usually this was the best time to start tackling actual work ...by then most of my calls / meetings were done for the day- and the quiet part of my day would start. I'd turn on my music, think about getting to the gym before it closes at 8 pm ...and get going. The office cleaners would come and go - and I'd be in my own little cocoon working away....time would inevitably slip away - and I'd glance at my watch and discover that it was getting close to 9 pm - I'd often think ...just one more thing and I'd call it a night. My tummy would start to rumble - and by 10 - 10:30 I'd be heading out the door - hungry & ready to unwind after a full day at the office. Eventually crawling into my bed between 1 and 2 AM ....only to start again at 7:30 when the alarm sounded.

Having essentially kept this pace for what now seems like forever - I have found myself at a bit of a loss this past week. I have lots of things that I want and / or need to do - and have struggled with accomplishing them. I recognise that I enjoy being busy - and when I'm not - I have a tendency to squander time. My to do list languishes at my desk - eagerly waiting for me to tick something off and my little gremlin is perched on my shoulder scolding me for not doing....

It's funny, I used to take great pride in ticking things off the list ... and am beginning to suspect that while the list is pending - that it somehow satisfies the part of me that needs to be busy. In truth - I'm attempting to creating an illusion of being busy. Alas, the illusion does not work -and you guessed it my little gremlin is quick to point this out and once again chastises me for not tackling the list head on.

I've come to realise that this game that I'm playing is not new - while I have accomplished much - I have always had a few items left on my list - I always managed to find something to add to the list and it has never been empty. As I write, I find myself wondering if I will ever take comfort in having a blank to do list. Gulp .... is it possible?

I find myself wondering ... "What happens when everything on my list, actually, any list is completed? For some reason, I have concluded that once the list is completed - my world will come to an end. But ...is that true? Let's see ... I do create shopping lists and check lists for various projects and tasks - and ... well - I do generally pick up everything on my shopping list as well as manage to check on the items on my "check list". Here in Bermuda when it comes to grocery shopping, it may mean hitting a few shops to get all the items on the list - but at the end of the day when every item has been crossed off - it feels good! And you know what? The world did not come to an end! :-) Actually, I am beginning to see that I have completed a great number of lists in my day ....and well ..I survived.

So ...my test this week is to venture forth and complete the items on my to do list. I suspect that all will be fine and have no doubt that as I move forward, new things will find their way on to the list or a new list will be created. Lists have a habit of growing - but even if it doesn't grow - (which I can't in all honesty imagine) - I know in my heart that all will be well.

What I know for sure, is that I do not want to revert to the daily grind that I left at XL - the path that I was following then was not a healthy one. I enjoyed the challenges and the opportunities that came my way over the years - I mastered that dance, now it is time for me to embrace the unknown :-) to live my life fully, "wholistically" and to create a schedule that works for me!

For now, I shall savour each step that I take in this great unknown - I shall embrace it, play with it and just enjoy it - as for each step creates an a new awareness of what lies ahead - and here - it looks pretty good :-)

Have a fabulous week everyone!

Lots of love,

Norma

PS - if you ever see me re-tracing the path I was following at XL - please remind to stop and smell the roses!

It's September - time for new beginnings.

Well - here it is September already - and although I have now left the company - it all seems a little surreal. The first part of my dance has been incredible - I continue to learn, explore and try on new moves - determining which ones fit and tossing those that don't.

I thought the decision to tender my resignation would be a challenge -it was ....but I had not anticipated the emotions that would surface as the month progressed. Although I knew within my heart that it was time for me to leave .... twelve and a half years is a long time and for me, it marked the end of an era. Yes, I will miss many of the people that I've gotten to know over the years - but I will also miss the routine - the security of a monthly paycheck and all the benefits that full time employment provides - and as strange as it may seem - I will also miss the work. I won't miss the politics or the many layers of management that a single decision has to flow through!

If I had to draw an analogy for what the process has been like ...I would say it's akin to saying good bye to a well worn pair of blue jeans, a favorite sweater or pair of shoes - you know - the ones that may be a bit frayed around the edges, certain spots may have thinned, but they feel soft to touch and carry so many memories that to toss them away seems almost criminal. You know it's time to let go - but you opt to hold onto them for just a little longer -after all there is still some life in them ( a patch or a stitch here or there will do the trick) - and before you know it - a year has passed and you find yourself looking at them again - contemplating whether this will be the year that you let them go. Although the new pair don't feel the same as the old pair - you realise that it's OK - and before long the new pair become your favorites ...and the journey begins again.

Letting go of the comfort of the known and embracing the unknown is daunting. Although I had given advanced notice of my intent to resign - writing the actual formal resignation and submitting it was intimidating. I contemplated the words, the tone and how to submit it. Once it was done, it felt good, but shortly after I pushed the send button it was as if a cloud passed over me.

It was as if all of my fears found their individual voices and started sounding off about what I had done. I dismissed them and opted to spend the afternoon with friends. I announced to my friends and family that the deed was done and received many congratulatory notes. Some asked if it felt like a huge weight had lifted - as I write - I'm not sure if I ever really answered them fully. I may have deflected the question with something that felt true - but am fairly sure that I did not feel lighter - and the scale actually reflected this.

As much as I thought that I was ready for the change - less then 24-hours passed before I had cause to question my decision. In fact, there were lots of times when I wanted to reverse my decision - and each time I contemplated it - something would happen or be said that only served to confirm that the decision to leave is the right one.

So, I move - I am moving forward with my goal to get accredited by the ICF as well as Diploma in coaching. I've booked my spot on the courses, flights and hotels - and am ready. I returned to Structure House for the first two weeks of September - I decided that it was important that I not be to accessible to the office - and that it was important for me to take this time to refocus on shedding the excess weight and nurturing me.

Returning to SH has been great - a few of those that were here when I first arrived in May also returned to mark the end of a friend's stay here. It has been wonderful to catch up and spend time with everyone again. I have also enjoyed getting back into the gym with my personal trainer Randy and reconnecting with some very special people here. One of the highlights has been attending NIA classes - I have been doing the DVD's ...but it's just not the same as the class. Now ...if only I could figure a way to transport all of my favorite people and classes with me!

The first week here passed quickly - and I have no doubt that my second week will pass just as quickly! There is much that I want to squeeze into this time here in North Carolina. In addition to working out and eating healthy - I also want to work on my website for Clarus Bermuda (oh...that's the name I chose for my business). I need to get organized - I've been tossing things around in my head but had been holding off until I left XL. So ...now that I have left - it's time to get moving! After all - I'm self employed now ...and need to ensure that I have a regular source of income coming in!

My dance continues :-) I'm still learning the steps - but am enjoying the process!

Thanks for your continued support!

Much love,

Norma

Amazed!

Well ...what can I say ...I was nervous about stepping on a scale again after spending a month in Europe. Needless to say, I was really amazed and psyched to see that I had not only maintained but had shed a few pounds along the way!

I suspect that all the walking paid off as well as being conscious about what I was eating. I feel renewed and ready to tackle the next 15 lbs in order to reach my immediate goal of gifting Structure House with the first 50.

I returned to work today with mixed emotions. I have spent a fair amount of time these past few months contemplating my next steps. Recognising that it was time for me to make a move was clear and now - with the knowledge that my time here with XL will come to an end very soon is a little daunting. It's ironic as in some respects, it seems that both the company and I are undergoing a major transition. I am positive that although some of the change does not always feel that great - that we will both emerge stronger and even more successful than we have been to date!

This week also marks the end of an era for one of the members of my team. She decided while I was away - that it was time for her to make some changes in her life. We have a busy week ahead - so a farewell breakfast was organized for this morning. The organizers went all out with a full spread ranging from french toast to omelette's, bacon (crispy), sausages, pastries, bread and fruit! It's been a long time since I have had eggs & bacon - and was surprised to find that it didn't taste as good as I remembered! Which ...was a relief - I will revert to what has become my standard fare tomorrow :-)).

The month ahead will no doubt provide me with lots of opportunities to test all that I have learned to date. I am trying to be conscious of the importance of creating a balance that works for me. I took my work out clothes with me to the office and was determined to go to the gym this evening. I found myself waning - especially as there were people wanting to talk to me - however, the clock was ticking - and so made my way there 30 minutes before it closed. I didn't get to do the 45 minutes that I had planned but managed to squeeze in 37.13 minutes (according to the treadmill). The cleaner came in and allowed me to stay a little longer :-) -- I also had a little walk at lunchtime - it felt good to get some fresh air ...but have to say ...the sun was hot ...and by the time I returned to the office I was ready for the air conditioning to be turned on high!

Well - tis late ....and I have an early start - so ... goodnight all!

Lots of love,

Norma

Time is ticking

It is amazing how fast time can pass by - it seems like only yesterday that I arrived here in the UK - when in fact it's been just over 3 weeks! The first few days passed by quickly as we were getting organized for our train journey with Mel. When I arrived, no fixed plans had been made, save that we would travel by rail.

While both Mel & Tish were quite happy to play everything by ear -it did not work for me. I was acutely aware that we were planning to travel around the same time that schools were breaking for summer holidays and that finding reasonably priced accommodation in Europe would be a challenge.

So - I sat down with Tish and worked out a route, identified places where we would overnight. Mel & Tish had decided that if we travelled at night- we could sleep on the train and explore the various cities during the day. I was very conscious of my inability to truly sleep on moving vehicles and aware that I needed to ensure that I look after myself - so made sure that the night following any night train would see us in a hotel.

We packed up our rucksacks and set off for our grand tour - we were going to Belgium, Italy (via Frankfort), Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic (to see Randy + the boys), back to Austria (where I would hop on a flight to return to the UK, and Mel & Tish would then hit Germany and the Netherlands before returning to the UK.

We soon discovered that keeping connected to the Internet while travelling would be a challenge. Although we lugged a laptop around with us - we really only managed to connect once - and at that point we were all pretty tired and had no energy to use it.

After one night on a sleeper - I declared that I would not travel by night for the remainder of the trip. So, made arrangements to travel by day (Mel & Tish took the sleeper) and booked a hotel en route to Vienna - I caught up with them in Vienna. Although our passes allowed us to travel first class - we soon discovered that we had to reserve our spots in advance. It seems that most people want to travel first class and often found that first class was sold out!

We lucked out the first night and secured a first class berth in the sleeper train. The image I had created in my mind of what it would resemble and the reality were vastly different. As you know - I am not a small person .... nor am I short. The room was very narrow with three berth's one on top of each other. Sitting was not an option - without being very hunched! While there was a little basin in the room ...there was no bathroom - just a ladder to climb to get to the middle and top bunk.

I looked at the itty bitty space - and was ready to call it quits. Mel jumped into hyper mode and went scurrying after one of the train porters to see if there was a single or larger room for us. Thankfully, we managed to secure an extra room - and I forked out an additional 65 Euros. It was a long night - but there was space to breath and think. By morning I had resolved that I would not take another night train for the remainder of our trip.

Rather than let it simmer, I calmly announced my resolution to Tish & Mel and set about making arrangements that would allow me to continue on the trip in a manner that worked for me. In making the declaration, I realized how far I've come these last few months. In the past, I would have made do ...I would not have been happy and my mood would have deteriorated pretty quickly. Along the way, I would have held many conversations with myself, expressing my frustration . . . not verbalizing would allowed my frustrations & anger to simmer away . . . until they reached a boiling point. Boiling point would result in me spitting bullets at all who dared to cross my path!

My new found awareness and desire to take care of myself - provided me with the impetuous to consider options that would allow me to nurture myself as well as spend time with people I care very much for and explore places I've never been before.

In this respect the trip was very successful. WOOHOO!!! .... PROGRESS!

Exercising and eating regularly as well as healthy proved to be much much harder to achieve. We did do a lot of walking (usually several hours daily) - but did not manage to do any other exercise. Mel did manage to get a bike ride in while we were in Venice -she discovered the racks of street bikes that you could rent by the hour. Perhaps it was the places we chose to eat, but there were not a lot of choices when it came to meals. We did try something local - every where we went - and in so doing discovered that the countries we were visiting - the food was fairly heavy.

I did make peace with this (after all this was all about me applying what I have learnt since I commenced this dance) and resolved that at the very least I would aim to maintain what I have achieved to date. We'll see what the scale reveals when I step on them on Saturday morning.

I suspect that there will be a difference - and the stark reality will provide me with the incentive to get back on track. I will have to plot out a plan for the coming weeks as I know that there will be much to be done upon my return to work on Monday. I am determined to get into the gym again - I did managed to scheduled a few Pilates sessions while here in the UK and could feel the difference when I went yesterday (following our European trip) - so can imagine that it will take a few trips to the gym to return to the levels that I was at when I left Structure House.

I'm looking forward to resuming the dance - I have no doubt that my return to work will require me to adjust some of the steps that I've learnt so far - and this is OK - after all it's my time to dance and quite frankly it is up to me to ensure that the dance continues!

Thanks for all of our your support - this next chapter will likely be a rocky one - - - one that will require all hands on deck!

Take care & lots of love,

Norma

Independence Day

While the 4th of July marks Independence Day in the United States, it has come to be a day that symbolizes independence for me personally. While working for XL's Bermuda office it was a day to relish as it was a day off while the rest of the island worked. For me, it was a day where I could catch up on the things that I had been meaning to do. It also a special day for us, as we signed the papers for Soiree on July 4th and took occupancy.

I remember the excitement we had as we wandered around our little abode - we had boxes everywhere, and lots of unpacking to do - but it became our oasis that summer. Over the years it became our home and along the way we acquired lots of great memories.

Although we no longer live in Soiree, it still holds a special place in our hearts. Especially this last year or so, where we found ourselves living in different countries. It's those memories that has kept the fire going. It's that same oasis that we both find ourselves yearning for when times are rough.

Many ask how we do it .... while there are times when I wonder how as well .... There is an an incredible connection between us that runs deep. It is this connection which provides a sense of security that enables us to respond to this question with a level of comfort. We know that this current arrangement is only temporary - we both know that we'll be back under the same roof (in the same country) soon.

It now appears that the "soon" we referred to is going to be a little longer than we initially anticipated. As things turn out - the job that we hoped would result in a return to Bermuda has not materialized, in it's place is one that is a great opportunity to get a sound training and experience in the UK. So ...the long distance commute will continue for the foreseeable future.

As I ponder my next steps, I know in my heart that I can not continue the job(s) that I did prior to commencing this dance. One of my challenges during this dance has been to consider which one of various hats that I will elect to wear upon my return later this month.

I recognise that I am a woman of many talents and have historically been challenged to stick to just one thing. I have fought this since I was a child and here I am some 40 years later ...still fighting it! I don't like being hemmed or boxed in. I love variety and rising to a challenge, especially new ones. The thought of wearing the same "hat" day in ...day out ... just doesn't appeal to me.

Years ago when I worked in the theatre, I loved improvisation - I also loved embracing a new script, breathing life into the words and performing -however - once it came to life, I was ready to move on. The thought of performing the same role night after night killed it for me.

Having been with the same company for the last 12 years, I feel as if I have had a good run and it is now time for me to move on. The thought of moving on is frightening, especially in today's economy. Remaining for comfort only - just doesn't seem feasible anymore. These last few months have helped me to realise how I had used my job as a crutch for not living life fully.

As I move forward with my life, shedding the excess weight, baggage and "stuff" from yesteryear's, I am re-discovering parts of me that I had forgotten as well as discovering new things. It's been an incredible journey so far and can only imagine what lies ahead. For now, I'm practicing the joy of remaining in the moment, taking each day as it comes.

I came across this quote today while looking at the website of a Master Certified Coach - "Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. One man with courage makes a majority." -- Andrew Jackson. I thought it timely and quite appropriate for independence day - it truly is time for me to stop thinking ...and to get on with life!

Care to join me?

Lots of love,

Norma

Living out of a suitcase

I have to say - as much as I enjoy travelling, living out of a suitcase is not a lot of fun - especially when I am feeling a need to get things in order and sorted.

The European Coaches Conference 2008 or ECC 08 provided me with an opportunity to network with other coaches, get an idea on the business side of coaching as well as increase my learning. The days were packed and as I was a "Connecting Ambassador" it ensured that I had ample opportunities to meet new people and in some respects "reconnect" with the coaching community.

The coaching community in Bermuda is extremely small and could be described in its infancy. The prospect of leading the charge is a little daunting and at times I find myself wondering if I am up for the challenge. At the ECC 08 I felt immersed in the world of coaching and came away full of energy and a willingness to move forward towards becoming a credentialed coach and setting out on my own.

As I read through the various forms and requirements required by the ICF this week, I have to admit that it all seems a little intimidating .... The good news is that it is achievable. It may not happen as fast as I want it to - I declared at the ECC 08 - that I would aim to complete the whole process by the end of September - a lofty goal ...yes ... although realistically - it may not happen until later in the year. Ideally, I'd like to be ready in time for ICF's global conference in November. So ...we shall see!

In the meantime, we're getting ready for our rail journey around Europe. We've narrowed the original list of countries - and are now focusing more on Central / Eastern Europe - as it's more affordable.

I'm not able to update the gift tracker as I don't have a scale here where I can track my weight. It's funny - I never thought that I would miss hopping on the scale - but I do. I find that the daily ritual of weighing myself -serves as a self-check of sorts. I am also finding it challenging to establish a good routine while on the road. Initially, I was beating myself up a bit - but have reached a pact with myself - and for now - I aim to be mindful of that which I eat and fit in physical activity where possible.

I do have my NIA DVD's with me - and have managed to persuade Tish to join me a few times. I also found a Pilate's instructor who is within walking distance of us here in England. We went yesterday and will be there again tomorrow morning.

So - for now, it's one day at a time, one step at a time!

Lots of love,

Norma

Losing weight -v- shedding the excess

It's hard to believe that I arrived last Tuesday - and I'm getting ready to get on another plane tonight. I'm looking forward to the next leg - a little apprehensive as there are aspects of this next leg that are outside of my comfort zone.

My time here has been short - and it's been next to impossible to visit and catch up with friends and family. I'll be back in time for Cup Match and my birthday :-) so am looking forward to connecting with everyone then.

I did get to spend some time with family and it meant a lot to be here to celebrate Calvina's 21st! She's really coming into her own - and it as nice to spend an evening together - especially as we managed to get Mama Louise to try some sushi (which we described as cooked fish with rice around it). She was tentative but tried it ....and actually enjoyed it :-) It will be a while before she'll actually break down and order it -but by the end of the night she had tried a few rolls.

While I've made my rounds, several have commented on how 'great' I look and remarked at how much weight I have lost. I have a real problem with the wholesale use of the term "lose" when it comes to weight - so am on a mission to change the mindset and language used.

I struggle with the word "lose" as whenever we lose something we inevitable "find" it or it magically appears when we least expect it! Years ago I "lost" 75 lbs - and you know what? I found it ...and as luck would have it, it brought back a friend. In all honesty, I don't think we ever really lose anything - I can recall times when I've searched high and low for something. Fretting about not being able to find it - and will find it while looking for something else. It happened when I returned home last week. I couldn't find the key to my car. I thought that it was in my handbag - and it wasn't there. I looked absolutely everywhere. I had a meeting at the office and was beginning to panic about being late. I was about to call a taxi or a friend for a ride - and decided that I would put a load in the washer first. I opened up the closet where the washer / dryer is ...and there hanging on the hook was my car key, exactly where I left it! So I have determined that my goal is not to lose weight but to "shed the excess".

Think about it ....when a snake shed's it's skin - it doesn't crawl back inside it or go looking for it - it leaves it behind. The other image that I use is that of the caterpillar as it transforms into a butterfly. I think of caterpillars as being these pudgy little things that move fairly slow and spend most of their time eating. This time that I am taking for myself is the chrysalis phase and that there is a butterfly within me waiting to emerge!! :-)

So my friends, it's time to shake off the excess and let our lights shine!

Lots of love,

Norma

Life on the outside!

This past week has been a roller coaster of sorts - I left SH resolved to be structured and to keep up my exercise regime. What I found is that in practice it's much harder on the outside than I thought.

I returned to Bermuda on Tuesday, dropped off my luggage and headed into the office - to say a quick hello and to meet up with one of my bosses. It was nice to see familiar faces, and I was surprised at how easy it is for me to get "sucked" back into my old life! Despite my best intentions, it was nearly 10 PM when I grabbed something to eat for dinner.

Wednesday was better - I managed to see Mom before she left to go to Canada for my nephew's graduation (congratulations Daniel :-)). I also managed to sign up for a week at one of the local gyms. So far ...sign up is as close as I've gotten to the gym! Each day I've made plans to go - and have not made it! I also went to the Pilates / Gyrotonic place - but they were not there - so I left a message. They are not open all day - so am planning to go on Monday morning.

The only exercise that I've done so far is my NIA DVDs - although it's not quite the same as being in an actual class - they will do for now. Oh...I did take the stairs instead of the elevator when I was at the office.

Emotionally, I've found myself all over the place - which has had an impact on my ability to sleep. I am finding that I've been tossing and turning - which doesn't help! I realise that I'm beating myself up - and need to be gentle. Returning to the office -was all to familiar -everyone wants to know what my plans are. It's a struggle - as the one thing I don't want is to fall back into the same routine that I had before I started this journey. This week I really became aware of how entrenched it is within my psyche.

It's not that I didn't know it before - and found myself wondering if I will ever manage to achieve a balance that will allow me to do all the things that I want to do. I haven't figured out the answer as yet - so for now - just keep going with the hope that the path will become clearer over the next month.

As my friend reminded me this week .... "I am worth it!" ...actually we're all worth it!

Lots of love,

Norma

What a week!

I knew this week would be busy, but did not anticipate that I would not be able to update the blog until tonight!

I am pleased to report that I did really well on my fitness test - with noticeable improvements across the board. The same was true for my blood tests - with only two that fell slightly outside of the normal range. My uric acid is still above normal but is lower then when I first arrived and my white blood cell count was slightly below normal.

It was also great to see changes in my measurements (chest, waist & hips) - the combined total reduction is 14 inches - with 6 1/2 in my waist! I credit the changes to both Pilates and Strength Training - as both target my core muscles.

I have worked hard and was really psyched to see tangible results for all of my efforts. I am a little nervous about keeping up the momentum when I leave tomorrow -and so have been working to create a plan to keep on track. I started a few weeks ago - I picked up a notebook and have started to log my activities as well as my strength training settings and work outs. I picked up NIA DVDs and Cd's - so I can continue to do it on my own. I have identified two places that offer Pilates and was really psyched to see that one of them also offers Gyrokinesis - so will be ale to incorporate them into my weekly schedule.

I will also need to find a gym and perhaps a personal trainer. I have worked enough with Randy Weiss here at Structure House that I can train on my own - but have come to realise that there are clear benefits with working with someone like Randy. On my own, I can easily do the basics - but will miss out on the slight variances that Randy throws in to keep me on my toes, as well as the assisted stretches between work outs.

Here at Structure House - they have various lectures that are all designed to help prepare us for the "real world". The nice thing is that they do encourage you to ask questions and establish a plan. It was in one of these sessions that I discovered that one of the other leavers this week is also an in-house lawyer. We were able to relate on the challenges that we had factoring in exercise or eating properly with our busy schedules. We exchanged emails and have agreed to keep in touch.

The environment here is very supportive. I've met some really wonderful people (staff as well as participants) who have made my stay here memorable.

Up on the second floor (where most of the lectures are held) they have a "Wall of Success" - they showcase stories of past participants that have achieved their goal and maintained success. The were getting ready to update them on Friday afternoon, and it was nice to see that most of this months' success stories were from women. They are really inspirational - I found myself resolving to have my story appear on the wall. (Brings back memories from when I was in high school in Canada. OLC - now Trafalgar Castle - had boards throughout the school that listed people from previous years that had achieved certain awards. I vowed that my name would be there before I left ....and sure enough it was! It meant a lot to be able to show it to Katrine & Tish years later :-))

I'll be back for a week in September (part of my strategy of keeping on track) and am ready to see how I fare on the "outside". I fly to Bermuda on Tuesday - and will be there for a week. I'll then head over to Geneva for the ICF's ECC 2008 and then up to the UK + Continent for a few weeks before returning to Bermuda.

I will use this time to focus on what my next steps will be - I've been tossing around a few ideas but haven't landed on anything specific right now. It feels as if phase 1 is coming to an end and it's now time to roll up my sleeves and dig into phase 2!! :-)

What can I say.... my dance continues! Thanks so much for all of your support and encouragement. I really appreciate it!

Lots of love,

Norma

Prepping for test day.

Tomorrow morning is testing day for all those that are scheduled to leave at the end of the week. It all starts with blood tests first thing in the morning, we're weighed, measured and then our fitness is evaluated. We'll get our reports by the end of the week. I am very curious to discover the results and looking forward to comparing these results with those that I received when I arrived here 7 weeks ago.

I have had some great work-outs this week. I did karate yesterday and today - and picked up a new skill. We learnt how to use the sticks - we were told that the origins of the moves we did are from the Philippines. Our instructor told us to not think about what we were doing, not to worry if we miss a beat and to just keep going. It's fascinating as I soon found that every time I would start to think about what I was doing, I would miss or get confused. The more I relaxed into it, the easier it got. I also found that by relaxing, it was much easier to keep going when I did mess up. At the end of the class, Sherman (our instructor), reminded us how important it was to do the same thing in life - just keep going. Works most of the time ...although I do think that there are times when you do need to stop -especially if you keep walking into a wall - it may be that a step to the left or right will allow you to bypass the wall and keep on going :-))

As Rebecca is off on her course - it has meant that the regular class schedule has changed slightly. The additional classes are good (especially when they are ones that I enjoy) - but I do miss Gyrokinesis and the dance classes that we did together. Sigh ...guess I can't always have everything I want - which has been OK!

I had my second Pilates Machines class today. I like that this really focuses on my core muscles - and am pleasantly surprised to find that I'm stronger than I thought. I have to credit Randy for the work that we've done together - as he is very creative with incorporating exercises that focus on strength as well as the core muscle groups. I have one more Pilates machine class before I leave this week - it's with a different teacher -so will be interesting to see what it's like with a different instructor.

Well, I have an early start tomorrow - so will bid you goodnight!

Lots of love,

Norma

Time has flown!

It seems like only yesterday that I arrived here at Structure House - and now here it is the start of my final week here in Raleigh Durham! I'm the last of my original group. It's been an incredible journey and I've met some wonderful people along the way.

The sun arrived in full force this past week and we've had temperatures as high as 105! The staff have posted advisories up encouraging everyone to drink plenty and be mindful of the sun. The youth were busy soaking up the rays, playing in the outdoor pool. While I would have enjoyed playing, I am all to aware that the sun and my skin are not the best of friends, so I thanked them politely and played inside!

I've had some great work outs - I had my first Pilates class the other day - and then followed it with strength training with Randy. As both had some focus on my core muscles, my walk had a degrees of stiffness to it. I was still a little stiff this morning, but felt a lot better after my NIA class this afternoon.

Actually, today's routine was "Medicine Woman" and it was at the Woman's gym in Chapel Hill. It was exactly what I needed - as it chased my stiffness away. I like venturing to classes outside of Structure House as it gives me a feel for what it will be like post-SH. We've done the same routine here and so it was nice to be able to compare the two. Classes at SH are 50 minutes -and today's was a full hour. For the most part the two classes were the same - the difference was that we did floor work as well today - and Kate illustrated level 1, 2 and 3 moves. It was a great class -one of the ladies that was there today is 78 - I really like that NIA is something that people of all ages, shape and size can do.

As this is my last week here, it will be a busy one - I know they'll do my blood work again, take measurements and test fitness levels again. There are also lectures to attend on life post-SH. I'm looking forward to seeing my results. I'm beginning to notice a difference in my clothes - so am curious to see how it pans out on paper.

Have a great week everyone!

Lots of love,

Norma

Transitions

The reality that my time here at Structure House is beginning to set in. I have one more full week to go before heading home to Bermuda for a week. In many ways I am ready to leave yet at the same time want more time. There are still things that I'd like to achieve - and I know that it will be more challenging to maintain my progress when I leave - but I will continue to give it my all. I will certainly have to be more creative with my schedule in order to factor my work out times.

I will not miss filling out my menus and submitting them every Wednesday for the week ahead. I did do some menu planning before I came - but not to the extent that we do here. However, I have a better understanding of what my daily intake should be -and appropriate portions. This is the last week for my work out partner - we arrived together 6 weeks ago -and I will certainly miss his presence next week. We've been talking about doing it for a few weeks - and tonight was the night. We decided to go for Thai food as we both like flavor and spice. It was nice to eat "real" food for a change. We opted to share an order of steamed dumplings rather than fried (crispy calamari was on the menu - I had visions of the ones that we used to get at Palm Gardens in Rayne - but went for the healthier choice). For our main course -we shared an order of Thai Basil Chicken and another chicken dish (can't remember the actual name). It was very tasty - I ate mindfully, savoring the flavors and enjoying the moment. I found that I felt comfortable about halfway through and decided to stop rather than eat it all. This is something that I know I can do when I leave.

Wednesday also marked the end of my creative movement (dance) classes with Rebecca. I have really enjoyed working with her. She has such a gentle spirit and warmth about her - I felt encouraged to stretch myself, challenge my body to move in ways that it has done in 20 + years. I had fun creating and playing with the music as well as in silence. I'd like to continue - so will see what adult dance classes are available in the fall. Although I am a little sad that our classes together have come to an end, I'm really excited for Rebecca as she embarks on her own journey. She's off to attend the 6 week program with the American Dance Festival. (See http://www.americandancefestival.org/index.html for more information). Professional groups from all over the world will be here in Durham for the next six weeks to perform. I have tickets for one of the shows next Thursday evening.

Here's a picture of Rebecca and I after our class on Wednesday.

I had my first Pilates class on the machines today. I was really nervous about it - and discovered that my abs are stronger than I thought! It did feel a little awkward at first -but it was a good experience. Pilates is one thing that I know they have in Bermuda - and as it also has Gyrokinesis - I am planning to do both there. I've had a friend rave about Pilates for years - and now that I finally bit the bullet and gave it a try- realise that this is a great example of me letting my fears dictate my life! I have to admit - I am really enjoying myself in this "fear-busting" mode!!

I'm also noticing that I'm getting stronger and fitter - I haven't been to the Cardio Ballroom class, since my first week. I enjoyed the class, but found that my upper thighs were so sore that it made it really challenging to finish the class. I did -but with was not easy. Today - I got through the entire class without experiencing the same pain that I felt in week one. Progress :-)

The same was true for my strength-training workout with Randy. Most of my weights have increased as have the number of different exercises. Randy is really good at varying the routines and has a knack of upping the intensity at the right intervals. Finding the right personal trainer to match his skills and talents will be a challenge - as I don't currently belong to any gym. So if any of you in Bermuda have any recommendations or suggestions, please do let me know. I've tried to convince Randy to move to Bermuda - just for me :-) but then that wouldn't be fair to all those that he works with here at Structure House.

Well - that's it for now!

Lots of love,

Norma

Renewal through body awareness & movement

That was the name of this morning's workshop . . . and it was exactly what I needed to kick start my week. A couple of people dropped out so it was a smaller group. For me, it was the perfect group as each of us have been here for at least five or more weeks. It was very interesting - the body awareness part was a guided meditation focusing on the body - called a "body scan" the movement part of the workshop involved a "trust walk" and working in pairs alternating between being a leader and a follower. It really helped that we are all very close so there was a high level of trust. I think the experience would be a lot different if the participants had people that I didn't know so well.

My partner for the trust exercises was my work out buddy (it helped that we're similar in height) so I had no problem being led. I enjoyed being the leader - although our biggest struggle was that my partner really struggled with being led. So I found myself encouraging him to relax - we persevered and got there in the end :-).

This afternoon was filled with physical activity. Immediately after lunch was my one-2-one with Rebecca - today she had me start with movement without music - it felt like a meditative dance. It was an opportunity for me to get a better understanding of my body and how it moves. We ended our session with working on Katrine's dance. I was caught up at first and then Rebecca encouraged me to make it my own - and that made a huge difference and I really felt more connected to it.

I have only one more session with Rebecca - as she's heading off to attend a 6 week dance program with the American Dance Festival. I know that she'll have a great time and do really well. I'll miss her - as I've really enjoyed working with her. I am going to try Pilate's on the machines so will book some time to do that next week.

After my one-2-one, I headed to Dance Fusion, followed by 10 mins on the elliptical and 25 mins on the treadmill. I ended my afternoon with Gyrokinesis which is a great way to end the day.

I have been avoiding the elliptical - but feel it's time to tackle it. I managed 7 minutes on Saturday, my goal is to increase my time over the week and aim to do 30 minutes by next Monday. I am also pleased to report that I can now do 3 mph on the treadmill with ease - and did 5 minutes at 3.2 mph. When I got here I thought 2.4 mph was hard and 3 mph was impossible - it feels great to know that I can now do it - even on hills :-)) PROGRESS!!!

My knees did well today too - so all in all it's been a fantastic day!

Lots of love & hugs,

Norma

It's June already!

I just realised that today is the first day of a new month - and marks the start of my sixth week here at Structure House. I'm looking forward to the week ahead - my knees are feeling a lot better as is my spirit. The last week was perhaps the toughest for me - my knees were bothering me so it meant that I had to slow down and listen carefully to my body.

I cut back on some of the cardio classes and worked smart on the strength training classes. It really helped that I had scheduled time with the personal trainer - as he made sure that I worked smart and checked in to see how things were feeling.

Physically - aside from the knees - I felt good. Mentally - it was a bit of a mix. I had a great session with Rebecca on Wednesday - but then on Thursday, stumbled a bit. One of the participants was talking about being "lazy" - and I commented that I thought of myself as being lazy too - which surprised everyone - and they challenged this as they see me as being driven - which is true - but not when it comes to taking care of myself. I keep myself very busy which then makes it OK (yes ...a weak excuse) not to take care of myself. Carol asked me something along the lines of what I would do or what would happen if I was not busy and I couldn't find the words to answer her.

You see, it's questions like that are top on the list of things that I habitually avoid - and as to be expected it continues to play on my mind. It's the one thing that I have managed to avoid dealing with since I got here. Somewhere along the road, I concluded that when I have too much time on my hands I get depressed . So .... I fill up my time with "stuff".

I took some time this morning to reflect on this and can see that I am really good at beating myself up for not being as good or rather as perfect as I envision myself to be. I know now that my expectations are unrealistic and that life is full of imperfection. I have to smile - as it was communicating this same sentiment to my daughter that gave me the impetus to make the decision that led to me coming to Structure House.

Listening to my body, listening to my heart and accepting imperfection in all its glory are the lessons that I'm learning. I'm getting there ...one day at a time!

Nancy, thanks for your suggestions - I will vary my workouts this week - I'm not able to ditch menu selection here - as it would mean no meals. I'm discovering that there is value to planning meals - as it helps to keep me on track. I missed breakfast this morning - so popped out to pick up a toasted bagel with peanut butter and was mortified when I checked the calorie count. Bagels are not problematic - there are some really good ones that are much less calorie then picking one up at one of the chains.

Now ...I need to get into bed as tomorrow is an early start. I signed up for a workshop in the morning so will need to be up and out very early!

Special thanks to Cathryn & the twins for the joke ... it was just what I needed today and want to share it with everyone :-)

Q. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A. A buccanneer

OK ..so it may not appeal to all ...but it tickled my funny bone. It reminded me of the jokes we used to get in my Gr. 10 English lit class!

Love & Hugs to all,

Norma

Listening, learnng and loving it.

These last few days I've had to take it easy. My knees and body were telling me that I needed to rest. I continued to work out, but instead of pushing myself - I practiced listening to my body. I said no to a few classes that I would have done - not because I needed to but purely because I was there.

By doing this, I discovered that my ego was in the driver seat and was fixated on keeping up with my work out partner. We were running neck in neck into the weekend - but he pulled ahead over the weekend. My ego did not like this and found that I was beating myself up for not winning the competition. I admit - I like to win and if I have to lose, I want it to be a good fight. I will push myself to achieve success. I have done this at work for years - and was a little surprised to see that I am doing the same here.

I mentioned this to Rebecca today in our creative / expressive movement class and she encouraged me to use it in my dance. It was enlightening to play with this in my dance today and helped me to put it in a more positive light. I am really enjoying these classes and will certainly look to take up dance again when I return home or incorporate it into my weekly physical activities.

Our NIA classes have taken on a life of it's own. The gym was full of eager participants - all of the regulars were there -but we had an influx of new people as well. Apparently, they skipped out of the planned lectures to come to our NIA class! It's such a great way to start the day - I've ordered a couple of DVD's and the NIA technique book so I can do it when I get home. Plus if I'm going to go for my white belt - I will need to practice!

Now that I'm in week 5 I don't have to go to all of the lectures - I am enjoying this part. The lectures are good and very informational. I learnt a lot but am really wanting to put things into practice. I have adjusted to planning a week's worth a meals in advance and noting all that I eat. I can see the value of it - but the expressive in me ..finds it little tedious. As I picked up Menu D ... I couldn't help but sigh. It was much easier this time as I am now familiar with all of the selections. I am also getting really good at knowing the number of calories that certain foods have - and it's much easier to swap things around. There were some days where I swapped every item on the menu ...and only 2 meals were I accepted all items offered. I have no doubt that I will achieve mastery by the time I am ready to leave in a few weeks. That's when the true test will start!

Well folks - it's late and my body is saying that I should have been in bed an hour ago ....so sweet dreams from me to you!

Lots of love,

Norma

A fresh start!

As predicted the scale did reflect yesterday's escapade. I did find this morning that I felt very sluggish, so much so that after breakfast, I went back to bed for few hours. I'm glad I did as I felt a lot better and was ready for my afternoon of classes.

First up was my one-2-one creative movement class with Rebecca. She came armed with fresh music this week and once again it was a really uplifting experience. She had two options for me to work with - the first one caught me by surprises. It brought tears to my eyes as it was "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. There was a small book with the lyrics written as a story and the CD was enclosed. I picked up for Katrine when we were together in Kentucky - as they spoke to me then and again today. I liked the second piece as well - but opted for "I Hope You Dance". Rebecca suggested that this be a piece that I could create a dance to share with Katrine - I liked the idea - and will share this with her in September :-)

I followed this with a Dance Fusion class and ended the day with a Gyrokinesis class. Both were great. Dance Fusion was a little challenging at times but it's such a great cardio class - we were all sweating up a storm and turned on the fans towards the end of the class.

I really enjoy Gyrokinesis - as I find it allows me to focus on stretching / awakening various body parts and it's just a great way to end the day.

That's it for now!

Love to all,

Norma

Roadblocks

I have been sailing along and having a great time - I was thrilled on Friday to see that I had hit the 20 lb mark ...I had a really great expressive movement class with Rebecca - NIA was cancelled as Kate injured herself gardening and needs to take a few days off.

So how is it that I am now experiencing a roadblock? Perhaps it's because it's a holiday weekend here in the US as well as in Bermuda. It's also Nita's birthday, Butch & Ally's wedding and XL's Global Day of Giving. I am enjoying this time for myself -but really felt like I was missing out on things. Seeing pictures of my team's efforts for the Global Day of Giving and the wedding - was wonderful -and I found myself getting a little teary eyed.

As I looked around me ... it wasn't quite the same. On Friday evening I opted to sign up to take the shuttle to the movies (it's a weekly event here at Structure House) and saw the new Indiana Jones movie ...have to admit I was really disappointed with it - the first one remains the best in my opinion. I had a small popcorn as planned - but decided that I would also have some chocolate with it - I opted for raisinettes - raisins are on the menu here ...so figured it would be better than any of the other varieties. I know ... my feeble attempt to justify my choice.

As to be expected the treat showed up on the scale - I noted it in the diary - and was back on track on Saturday. I did just over an hour on the treadmill as well as a full strength training session with Randy. My knees have been bothering me a bit - so opted to not exercise today - figuring that my body would enjoy the rest.

Although I've been doing well, I found this weekend to be challenging. I found myself craving some away time and really needing a break away from here. I've been contemplating renting a car - and decided to rent a car for the next 3 weeks. I don't anticipate driving it daily - but want to have the freedom to get out and about.

The car rental company was closing early because it's Memorial Day Weekend - and didn't have a compact available - so upgraded me (at no additional cost) to a larger car. It feels like a tank - so will swap it on Tuesday. I was a little apprehensive at first but soon adjusted to the extra dimension and went exploring this afternoon. All in all, I had a good time - and returned feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the week ahead.

For those of us that have been there for a month - we've had a lot of discussions at meal times on foods that we haven't had for a while and what we've been craving. For one - he's been craving McDonald's Fries - another Ice Cream and then we got into discussions on cakes! For me ...I was wanting anything but Structure House food. I've been battling with my inner rebel - and today I decided that enough was enough - and that I needed to just commit to going out and having something.

As I was driving around I was thinking about what I felt like ... I decided that if I saw a Wendy's . . . then that is what I would have. Wouldn't you know it - as soon as I made the decision - in minutes a sign appeared on my left to notify me that there was a Wendy's at the next traffic light - traffic opened up and I had a clear path direct to Wendy's! I pulled up, parked and in I went. I had my favorite - a single with cheese, lettuce + mayo, small fries and a diet coke - 770 calories! The chap at the counter handed me my tray and the fries were pale and looked disgusting - I figured that if I was going to off structure -then they better be good - so asked if they could be cooked more (he said oh ...you want them to be crispy ..."Yes, please!" I quickly replied).

I savored each bite - it tasted yummy and was surprised to find that I was feeling full and was unable to eat all of my crispy fries. I didn't really notice how salty it was when I was eating ...but am certainly noticing it now - hours after the deed - I feel as if I have been drinking salt water! YEECHHHH!! Generally ...feel a little sluggish. So ...as much as I enjoyed doing something unstructured - I'm going to have to definitely find a better way to satiate the urge as the after effects of Wendy's make it clear to me that it's just not worth it!

Tomorrow is another day - we'll see how much of a toll this will have on my weekly total - all will be revealed when I update the gift ticker tomorrow!

Here's to a great week for us all!

Lots of love,

Norma

Learning to listen to my body

This is the 4th week of the Structure House program - and technically once this week is completed you're considered a graduate. Most leave after the month and some opt to remain. For those that are leaving, they undergo the same tests that we took when we first arrived. I wanted to get an idea of how successful I have been so far, so asked if I could do the fitness test - I'll wait and do the blood work in my last week here.

I have worked hard - and was pleased to discover that my fitness levels have improved significantly. My first week here, I was at the absolute bottom of the charts - the only thing that came close to average was my grip, everything else was poor or at the bottom of the grid - with most at the bottom. After four weeks I am thrilled to report that my range is now mainly hitting the average mark and a few things hovering just above below average. My BMI is still high - but physically I'm doing so much better that my BMI will continue to improve over time.

The nurse also took my measurements and my chest, waist and hips now total 8" smaller than when I arrived! I was blown away with this - as I had commented on the weekend that the only real difference that I had noticed was that my rings were getting loose on my fingers. Wearing primarily exercise clothes, it's hard to notice a real difference right now.

I'm really enjoying the fitness classes that are influenced by dance. I find that I get a great cardio workout - my spirit loves them - and I am discovering that on the days that I dance - I am on a real high. The same is true when I do the strength training workouts. I realised last week that I was holding back - and decided it was time to work with one of the personal trainers. I really enjoy working with him - he challenges me to do more - at a pace that works for me. He also ensures that I stretch between sets - which really helps.

I have try to stretch daily - and I truly believe that this is helping to improve my muscle tone and has eliminated any stiffness that I might experience from all the physical activities that I have been doing.

I have been slowly working my way through all of the classes offered -and am finding that I really don't enjoy the aerobics classes as much as I did 18 - 20 years ago. I did a step aerobic class today - and found it to be brutal. I don't think it helped that my body was tired today - I did not have it in my schedule but opted to do it as I had missed the earlier dynaband class. I got through the class, but it was a struggle. There were several times when I wanted to quit and leave - but I was determined to complete the class. Later when I met with Randy for my strength training work out - he told me that it was important that I make time to nap or sleep in order to allow my body to fully recover. No need to get injured now!

So, rather than go to chair yoga or cardio ballroom - I decided to return to my apartment and put my feet up for the hour before dinner. After dinner I went for a swim and did some stretching in the water. It was my first swim since I've been here - it felt good to be in the water. I had intended to go to the outdoor pool but got as far as my foot - the water was just too cold! So ...I went to the indoor pool - I'm not a big fan of the indoor pool - as it has a strong chlorine smell about it ....but it was warmer. I did a few laps and essentially played in the water (it helped that I had the pool to myself!).

As I played around in the water - I realised how important it was for me to listen to my body and my heart. I am learning to do that here, actually I've been working on this for a while now - but am now putting it into practice for myself.

I've noticed a real difference since I started doing the movement expression with Rebecca. She has this ability of creating a safe environment so much so that I am able to play with the music as I dance. Yesterday we worked together in the gym as the smaller space was already booked. Her instruction was to start from my toes and to let them dance - and gradually work my way up through the rest of my body - and then to use the all of the space in the gym. It was an uplifting experience as I tried new moves and relaxed into the music.

We also worked more on the acapella piece "We Are". For a few seconds I became aware that others were watching and I started to get self-conscious. I chose to acknowledge the feeling and let it go - and continued with my dance. When we finished, I felt terrific - I was dripping with sweat - but was exhilarated!

When I went outside after my class, I had a few people compliment me on how I moved. It's funny - I find it much easier to give compliments than to receive them. And yesterday was initially no different - I heard my inner gremlin jump up in my brain and immediately dismiss what was being said - and after the second instance - another thought popped up .... instead of dismissing the compliment outright, why not accept it gracefully. My inner critic or gremlin was quite willing to accept this - and all was good in my world :-).

I'm getting there - one day at a time! Tomorrow is NIA :-))) and my third session with Rebecca :-)). It's also movie night ...so a night out off campus (woohoo!!!).

Time for me to head to bed!

Lots of love,

Norma

Letting Go & Having Fun!

Wow! These last two days have been incredible! I wanted to update everyone last night, but was exhausted from a very physical day. It started in the morning with low impact aerobics class before lunch. After lunch, I had my first one-to-one movement (dance) class with Rebecca that was immediately followed by a dance fusion (Jazz + Latin) class, an hour break and then Gyrokinesis. I had to make a run to Target after dinner - and by the time I returned to the apartment, I was ready for bed!

I logged on to update the gift ticker - but that was about all I could do - my bed was calling. For the first time in a long time, I was in bed by 10 PM - which for me is exceptionally early. My private class with Rebecca was great - she created a sign for the door to welcome me. I showed her the two pictures I had created and then we were off and running. She showed me some moves an had a song for me that incorporated the movements she had taught me. She encouraged me to improvise and create my own moves. It was a liberating experience - at times I felt truly connected to the music and felt myself fully in-sync with the music. There were also moments when I felt a little self-conscious - Rebecca is very supportive and encouraging - and so I continued. We meet up again tomorrow :-).

Oh...before I forget - the music she choose is an acapella piece titled "We Are" performed by Faith In Action . The piece was originally done by Sweet Honey on The Rock - which brought back memories of years gone by when they were in Bermuda and the female acapella group led by Pat Nesbitt (Pogson).

Today I did Chair Karate class as well as personal training session on Strength Training. Randy threw in some new moves that focused on my upper body and we completed the circuit on the machines. It was an excellent work-out - hard work though ...I was sweating up a storm! I missed the regular self defense (karate class) as I was on the phone with my sweetie. The call was important and after all the cardio I did yesterday - I was OK with missing the extra hour.

Tonight was our group's opportunity to eat out. We went to the Rockfish Seafood Grill. We had to review the menu in advance and select healthy choices. We were lucky as there were a number of options to choose from - they have a 'Body and Sole" menu which provides calorie, fat, fiber and protein per item. The food was yummy and I'm fairly certain that everyone had a great time. Unfortunately, one of our group members had to leave yesterday to return home for surgery - so we were shy one person. We all missed her - as we've also agreed to go for our white belt in NIA together ...so know that we will continue to keep in touch.

Tomorrow will be another full day of cardio - starting with NIA in the morning, dance with Rebecca, Pilates on the Ball and Gyrokinesis! I am going to try and book a massage for the evening as I suspect that my body will appreciate it.

That's it for now!

Lots of love,

Norma

Wow ...it's week 4 already!

When I arrived four Sunday's ago - I remember feeling a bit apprehensive about what lay before me. Having now completed three weeks here - I can actually say that I am feeling pretty good. I recognise that I'm carrying a lot of extra weight, but am beginning to move better than I have in a long time.

On Friday evening the group that was getting ready to "graduate" held a dance in the gym - they put a lot of effort into it - they created music CD's with music of today and yesteryear's. They even decorated the gym with disco banners! It was great fun and I danced up a storm :-). I had fun dancing and acting up to the music like I used to do years ago. Granted I wasn't able to shake all the way down to the ground ...but I did manage to make it halfway! The next morning when I walked into the dining room - I received all sorts of compliments about my dance moves :-) Guess I still got it (hehehehe).

I had a great work out on Saturday - with an hour on the treadmill and then my strength training workout. I incorporated all of the changes, including the stretches, that the personal trainer gave me when we worked together on Thursday. I got really excited, because one of the stretches involves putting my leg up on the bench and bending forward to grasp my foot to pull it towards me. A few weeks ago, I could not get anywhere near my foot - on Thursday, I was close - but not there completely ....and on Saturday - I was actually able to grab the top of my sneaker and bring it towards me. WOOHOO!!!!

I accidentally missed breakfast this morning and discovered that when you're on a fixed calorie day, missing a meal is not good! By the time lunch came, I was starving. Lunch was tasty but, without the buffer of breakfast, it didn't quite fill the void.

After lunch two of us headed to a NIA class off campus. It was a great class, I was a little apprehensive about going to a regular class off campus - and discovered that I was able to keep up with the class. Looking around the room, there were women of all ages and it was absolutely wonderful. My friend and I have decided that we will work towards attaining our white belt in NIA later this year. It's something that I want to keep on doing after I leave here - so want to get good enough that I can do it on my own and perhaps one day introduce it to Bermuda.

Today was certainly a test regarding food cravings for our group - we've all been very good since we arrived - dinner tonight was OK - but I found that the void of missing breakfast was taking it's toll. I ate my dinner slowly - with the hope that I could trick my stomach into feeling full .... but found that I was still hungry. It's also our week to dine off campus - and to prepare we have to review the restaurant's menu and make healthy choices in advance.

Looking at restaurant menus when you're hungry is perhaps not the smartest thing to do. All that appealed to me was the appetizers and desserts! Before you know it, someone had their iPhone out and was searching for the closest Dairy Queen (7.25 miles away)! We were all salivating and finding creative ways to justify heading out - when as if from nowhere the head of the dining room came by to ask how things were going. I explained that I was still hungry as I had missed breakfast and that we were contemplating heading off campus. He offered to give me a banana and some cereal - the entire table turned their attention to me ...and while a bowl of raisin bran did not have the same appeal as a DQ Peanut Buster Parfait or the new waffle bowl hot fudge brownie sundae (they keep advertising)- I opted for the cereal. :-)

Tonight I sat down to do the "homework" that I was assigned from by Rebecca (my Gyrokinesis teacher). We're gong to do some work that centers around movement and music. I'm not quite sure what it entails -our first session is tomorrow after lunch. She asked me to do something on what letting go would look like. When she told me, I asked if it had to be in writing or could I do art. She confirmed that I could use any medium that I wanted to express myself - so I opted to use the art kit that Katrine got me. (thanks sweetie :-)) I created two pictures - I'm not sure what she'll do with it - so am very curious about tomorrow.

I'll update the gift tracker tomorrow - I'm still taking baby steps towards achieving my goal - whether I am able to provide Structure House with the full donation before I leave is debatable. I have pledged the first 50 pounds to Structure House and I'll honor my pledge even if it is completed after I leave. Then I'll have to start thinking about where I'll donate my next 50 pounds!

When I first started doing this, I didn't know what it would be like to write about my experience in a public forum. I am discovering that expressing my thoughts in this forum helps me to keep focused as well as provide a means to keep in touch with friends and family. I enjoy hearing from everyone and hearing about what's happening in your lives.

It helps me to remember that I have a lot to be thankful for! Here's to a great week everyone! :-)

Lots of love,

Norma

Drawing Analogies

These last two days have been interesting ones -yesterday was a great cardio day with a NIA class in the morning, gyrokinesis in the afternoon and volleyball in the evening. I finished off the day with a massage - and was ready to collapse into bed last night.

I woke at 6 this morning with the realisation that I had not submitted my menu for next week yesterday. I had completed the hard copy on Monday -but had not made the time to do it online. I prefer to submit it electronically - as they will provide us with a hard copy for our own records. If you hand it the hard copy - you don't get a copy back - so meals become a bit of a surprise and runs afoul of the Structure House way!

One of the lectures today was on Food and Eating in Relationships. One of the things that I have realised since being here is that although the choices I have made this past year have not been the best - the relationship that I struggle with is work related. When asked about options re: food - I find that for the most part I don't have the same struggles that others may have - however, if I approach the very same question posed from a work perspective - my level of comfort disappears.

It's funny, I've had people describe me as a workaholic - and I have never been willing to admit that this was me and could easily point to others that worked harder than me. I know I worked hard - I was a little surprised when one of these individuals was quick to tell me that my relationship with work was like an addict - that I was addicted to work. I admit, I like to be busy - but am coming to realise that this need to be busy all the time is not healthy - especially when I use it to avoid taking care of myself.

In class when they talk about options - it all seems rather straight forward, almost easy at times. Putting it into practice will be the real test. It's one of the reasons why we are encouraged to create a plan now. I know I have some time before I am scheduled to return and a little nervous as to whether I will succeed. This nervousness is telling me that this is something I need to tackle - and now is the time to do it.

I've booked some time with two of the personal trainers. I am feeling a lot stronger physically than I was - but after playing volleyball outside on the long grass last night, I realised that I have a ways to go! It was hard work - it was interesting as the the younger folks were much more willing to throw themselves after the ball - and the rest of us older ones were willing to let it pass us by. I found playing on the long grass a challenge and exhausting - it is much easier indoors!

Today I had my first session with Randy on the strength training machines. I was pleased to hear that for the most part my form is good - there was only one machine that I needed to adjust my posture. What I did discover was that I am able to do more with the weight machines than I anticipated - so today we adjusted all but one. The great thing about working with a personal trainer is that he makes me stretch between sets (I tend to wait until the next day) and is showing me stretches that I can manage on my own. He threw in a couple of extra variations or super combos to improve my workout and removed one of the exercises that I was doing as it was one where there was a high risk of injury associated with it. My goal is to work with Randy to develop a training program that I can use when I return home.

The other trainer that I am going to have some individual sessions is my gyrokinesis teacher - she has a degree in dance - so we will work together on movement. I am not quite sure as to what it involves, but it sounds exciting as it involves movement, music - and homework! I wasn't expecting the latter ....but it's one that can be done in writing or through art. I've opted for art - and am looking forward to playing with the set that Katrine gave me before coming.

Well that's it for now! Happy Friday everyone!

Love,

Norma

Healing comes in many forms

It's late and technically I should be in bed already -but felt the need to write about the day.

It was a full day - it started with nutrition classes and ended with the Supermarket Scavenger Hunt. As luck would have it - I ended up on a great team and we won! Thankfully two of members have attended all lectures and did the supermarket sleuth tour already. Each team were handed a series of riddles and we had to unravel the clue and then find the correct item. We were given one clue at a time and it was a race to the finish. Once out selection was confirmed correct we were given our next clue. We did this during shopping hours - and were told that we needed to be considerate of the shoppers. Ultimately we're a competitive bunch - and as we were racing to locate our final clue, I found myself stuck behind a slow moving member of the opposing team and a shopper. For a brief second I contemplated bulldozing my way between them - but had a quick vision of being escorted out and opted to walk down the aisle and cut across the center instead. :-)

I had my second self defense class today - and did much better than last week. I think it helped that I went to chair karate as well last week as it helped me to get a better feel of the moves. We also had NIA today -it's amazing, each class is different and a lot of fun.

I am finding that I gravitate to the classes that have an element of healing in them. Gyrokinesis and NIA both were founded by people that used movement as a means to heal. I enjoy the self defense classes as it too promotes wellness as well a means to defend and protect ourselves. Both NIA and the self defense classes also incorporate vocalizations - I am finding that there is something powerful about yelling KIA or NO or YES.

Tonight I watched a film with a friend "Finding Angela Shelton" - http://www.findingangelashelton.com it's about a woman who goes across the US and meets women with the same name. A journey which unveils some fascinating statistics and highlights how many women are affected by abuse. It stirred up some memories for both of us - and provided us with an opportunity to share and develop some understanding of ourselves.

I realised shortly before coming to Structure House -that when things get tough for me I turn to work as a means of escape from what ever it is that I am avoiding. I am realising that over the years that every time I have a crisis of sorts in my personal life - I sought solace at work. Work is a constant - it's always there and there is always something that needed to be done. It is easy to focus on the "stuff" at work - and could always justify it taking precedent over everything else.

Although I felt that I had some sense of control at work, I am realising that I had allowed my life to get out of control, was continuously choosing to eat unhealthy food and doing very little for myself. I think I had given up and was secretly waiting for something to happen - I'm not exactly sure as to what I was hoping for - and am very thankful that I woke up and took action before anything serious had manifested.

This break is giving me an opportunity to institute positive changes in my life. There are some people here that have lost a lot of weight, some have been here for 6 months, some return annually, for others it was 5 years ago. All have different yet similar stories, sometimes I wonder what my story will look like five or even ten years from now - and while I have a vision of what I would like it to be, it is more important that I focus on today, living in the moment and cherishing each positive thing that I do for myself creates a pathway for me to be more fully engaged in life and the world at large.

I'm learning that healing comes in many ways by letting go of the "stuff" that I have carried for years I am discovering new ways to heal and grow. It's an exciting time of my life, one that I am truly thankful for.

Thanks for listening (reading) and your continued support, I really appreciate it!

Lots of love,

Norma

It's Monday & time for the Nutrition Bowl

This is the first week where my group doesn’t have a lot of lectures. We had a whole host of new arrivals on Sunday – so campus is busy. Add Nutrition Week to the mix – and it is pandemonium! Although the list of lectures for our group is short - the Nutrition Week organizers would have us attend every single nutrition class on the agenda. They've created a score card and the person who accumulates the most points will win a prize at the end of the week.

Today was the big Nutrition Bowl - extra points were up for grabs if you came in a costume - and it was truly amazing to see how creative some people were. As "Vanna White" I transformed my bathing suit and sarong into a faux evening gown. One group was extremely creative and created theme costumes around nutrition and came armed with water pistols - another created an elaborate headgear out of balloons, some came in grass skirts - one made a hat out of cabbage + a sandwich board talking about it's two main strengths. The competition was fierce, the questions seemed to be never ending - but after an hour we had a clear winner.

I thought that as Vanna White, I would have it easy ...not thinking that I would be on my feet the entire time - with no letters to turn, I was charged with posting the points for each correct answer and modeled the exciting prizes. As score keeper – I took the liberty of deducting points from those that squirted me – and as the competition was fierce it was a good way to avoid getting drenched! Marlene (the Director of Nutrition) posed the questions and Nancy, our fearless nutrition intern was the time keeper. We had two teams - one for the newbies/ first timers and the other for the returnees. It was good fun.

Tomorrow night is the Supermarket Scavenger Hunt - I signed up out of curiosity - we shall see! If today’s questions are any indication as to what it entails …it won’t be easy. I’m hoping that I’ll get teamed up with someone who is very knowledgeable.

All in all it's been a busy day - I started off the morning with the low impact aerobics class - it's a level 2/3 class - and discovered that doing the lateral moves was a real challenge - the top part of my outer thighs / hips screamed in pain -so had to make some adjustments. I think all the dance classes are catching up - and I need to do more stretching. Thankfully, there was a Gyrokinesis class this afternoon -and that's a great one to stretch some of the sore muscles. I managed to persuade a few others to join in as well. I finished off with strength training on the weight machines. I have been avoiding doing crunches (primarily because I can't stand them) but bit the bullet and am pleased to report that today, I did 3 sets of 10 on the ball. I figured it was time - and that as long as I avoided them - the more challenging they would be - so will add them to the end of my strength training routine.

After dinner, I went to cooking demo on Chinese food. It’s hosted by this lady from China and is at her store. She’s been doing this with Structure House for 20 years and was excellent. She had several tips on ways to convert it from fattening to low fat and healthy. We did Shrimp Fried Rice (Cantonese Style) - which soon became Szechuan Style (guess who asked??? :-)) General Tso's Chicken and Peking Dumpling Soup. The amazing thing is - that other than a few squirts of oil for the rice - no other oil was used! It was very tasty - and easy to do - so will definitely be able to do it at home.

Well -I've going to end it here - as we have another full day tomorrow - and ....an extra NIA class - so need to get a good night's rest!

I hear that the heavy rains have caused a lot of flooding in Bermuda - I'm hoping that all is dry at my apartment - and that those that have been impacted by the adverse weather will have respite soon!

Love to all!

Norma

Heading into week 3 :-)

In some ways it's hard to believe that I'm about to embark on my third week here at Structure House. The nutrition team have been busy organizing activities to celebrate Nutrition Week - highlights include a Nutrition Bowl Game Show, What Color is your Diet, Virtual Tour of Whole Foods Market and a Supermarket Scavenger Hunt. We've been promised prizes ....although as they have yet actually identify an actual prize, I'm a little dubious.

In any case, I've signed up for the Game Show as Vanna White ....and discovered tonight that I'm to show up in a costume!!! So will have to get my creative juices in gear ...as I don't really have anything that remotely resembles something that she would wear! I also signed up for the cooking demo - it's Chinese and I am told that the lady who does it is very good.

We had a special cooking demo yesterday to honor Mother's Day. Our nutrition intern made blueberry muffins and fruit smoothies (all low fat / low calories) the muffins were yummy - I like smoothies but adding peanut butter to it ruined it for me ...I like peanut butter and have missed not having it on my toast ...but can't imagine ever acquiring a taste to drinking it!

I discovered that they have a rotation of nutrition students that come here to do internships - so Mel ...if you need to do an internship for your course - this may be something to consider. I told them that you were very creative with your recipes :-)

The weekend has been relatively quiet. I had a great workout yesterday - I repeated my stint on the treadmill at the higher level - it is a challenge still but it went easier than the last time I did it. I then moved on to the weight machines. I work out on my own and pick up tips from the personal trainer as he works with one of the other participants. I helped encourage one of the other participants on the weight machines yesterday morning - there was a mix up on appointments and he was going to not work out ...so I offered to work with him. He's starting out and was a bit apprehensive and was really psyched when he completed all of the exercises on his sheet.

Sunday is officially my exercise free day - it was funny - I woke up this morning and felt like working out! One of the other groups organized a little party in the gym tonight - so I went and played badminton and a game of toss (with the giant balls and volleyball). I haven't played badminton in a while and was pleased to discover that I could still play. I also discovered that my inner competitor is alive and well ...and had to work hard to just rally and not go for the killer smash! All in all it was good fun and a nice way to finish the weekend.

I'll update my gift tracker after tomorrow's weigh in - I am a little disappointed that the number will not be as significant as last week - but that's fine - the fact that I am physically feeling much better than I have in a long time, that I am looking forward to next weeks fitness classes and workouts reflects that I am progressing nicely :-))

Lots of love!

Norma

What is success?

I've found myself pondering this today. I woke up this morning and realised it was Friday already. The week has passed quickly - it seems like the weekend was only yesterday and here it is again!

Although the week has passed by quickly - it's been much harder than my first week. Last week, it seemed like the pounds just slid off - this week they've been holding on for dear life! Normally, I ignore the scale altogether - avoidance obviously doesn't work. I don't think obsessing over it does either. So ...will have to find a way to make it my friend. Here - being "structured" means getting on the scale every morning before breakfast. In the lectures, we are told that this daily ritual helps us to keep structured and that we should not obsess about the scale. What can I say.... it's something that is much easier to say than to do!

On the fitness side of things - I have done well. I tried a couple of new classes and successfully managed to complete an entire program at a level higher than last week on the treadmill. I am discovering that I am stronger than I thought and that pushing it up a level and sticking to it - can be very rewarding.

It bothers me that I am allowing the scale to frustrate me - I am determined to meet my goal and am a little demoralized that things aren't moving as fast as I want. Realistically - it is not reasonable or healthy to expect the same results week after week. Studies show that 1 to 2 pounds a week is healthy and practical. I know this ...yet I still let it get to me ...(arghh!!!)

Physically, I feel and look better than I did when I arrived. I've been receiving compliments from other participants and staff about the transition in this short time - so know that I am on the right track. The competitor in me wants to be on the fast or turbo track - my logical side reminds me that I'm in the process of switching tracks - the one that I was on was a long, sluggish train that was wearing itself down.

In one of our lectures today - they talked of an investment banker in London, who has completely transformed his life over the last 2 years - he was working crazy hours, had stopped exercising and was lost control of his eating. Over the past 2 years he's dropped 115 lbs and created a more balanced life that works for him. Mathematically that translates to an average of 5 lbs a month - wow ...I can do that :-)))

To answer my own question- success right now -is making the most out of every day - increasing my stamina and flexibility and most importantly being present in the moment!

Lots of love,

Norma

NIA-phoric :-)

Now ...what is NIA-phoric you say .... well it's a phrase coined by on of our group members after participating in our very first NIA class last Wednesday. Our group is so enthusiastic about it, that we convinced the fitness director to add on an additional class. The class is now offered twice a week and has become one of the most popular classes. The class has tripled in size since last week. It's really special to see everyone get into the spirit, let loose, have a great time and break into a sweat! Our teacher Kate is brilliant (see the links on the side for information about NIA and her website).

We have created such a buzz around the campus about NIA - it's great. One of the leavers last week was so enthralled by it, that she's decided to become an instructor. I don't know if NIA is offered in Bermuda - but I am certainly hoping that if it is not -that it will be offered soon. It's such a fun class!

Today - NIA was exactly what I needed - I was not feeling that motivated to work out today - my energy level was a little low, so I skipped the lecture on Supermarket Sleuths - chilled for a bit -and then headed to NIA. After an hour of movement, dance, vocalizations and glee - I was ready to roll through the rest of the day.

Which was a good thing as I finally met the great Dr. Musante (the founder of Structure House) and even managed to challenge an analogy that he offered in response to a question in the weekly Q&A that he does for all the participants on "Staying Structured". After lunch, we had another class on menu planning - I will master portions and the food pyramid before too long. The head of Nutrition is organizing a Game Show quiz extravaganza for next week - I asked if I could dial a friend (figuring that I'd call Mel for assistance) and she said no :-(. I offered to play the Vanna White character - I figure that will be much easier than pushing buttons to respond to nutrition questions. There are some here that are very knowledgeable - I'm trying to get my own breakdown straight first.

I headed to the gym for my strength training workout with the machines after dinner tonight. There was a group that were gearing up to play poker - and another that were heading out to go shopping. As I had not done my strength training workout for the day - I passed :-)) The gym was pretty quiet which was nice. I missed my work out buddy tonight - as he opted to walk the Structure House trails instead.

Ironically - there are a number people here that have been to or have a close connection with Bermuda - a few where there earlier this year, one lady arrived this week after spending the month of March in Bermuda. She took up painting after she retired - she's working on a few paintings from her visit and was so excited to hear that I was from Bermuda. Another has planned a family cruise to come to the island this October. Yet another, is the sister-in-law of the Premier - a very nice lady. One of the returnees remembers meeting a Bermudian lady that usually comes in the fall for a month - she apparently comes a couple of times a year.

So, although it can feel like I'm alone at times -I truly don't have to venture very far to have a reminder of home. I really appreciate your support and encouragement - it keeps me going, especially on those days when I don't feel as motivated as I could be.

Lots of love,

Norma