To follow or to lead ...

I love to dance and move about - for me it is how I 'free up' - my spirit loves it ...and I love the natural high I get from immersing myself into the music.

At last week's ICF (International Coach Federation) conference I had the opportunity to attend one of the sandbox sessions that used the tango as a tool to deepen our knowledge as coaches. It was an interesting experience for me. I love watching the tango, the interchange between the dancers and find it quite beautiful, sexy even.

Now, you may find yourself asking what does the tango have to do with coaching. You may not, but I did ...and to make sure that I did not miss it, I volunteered to be a room host at the session.

I walked into the room to see that it had been transformed into a ball room with a very large dance floor resting on top of the wall to wall carpet. I don't really know what I was expecting - but actually learning to dance the tango was not it. Yes, I love to dance - but I'm not that good in partner dancing, especially when I am being lead.

My natural tendency is to lead and / or create my own steps. I find that when I follow, I tend to trip over my own feet as well as that of my partner's as I try to anticipate their next moves - which doesn't create a pretty picture. So when tasked with finding a partner, I immediately chose one of the tallest men in the room who looked like he knew what he was doing. I had already observed that he was a very good dancer and figured that if I was going to have to follow anyone, it would have to be someone who knew what they were doing! As it happens, one of the first things out of his mouth post introductions was that he grew up ballroom dancing. :-)

Our first go round was OK ... the ease of moving around en masse was hampered by my inner struggle with being led. It was not until the instructor issued fresh instructions requiring all those that were in the shoes of the follower to close our eyes and those in the shoes of the leader were not allowed to use verbal cues as we moved around the room.

I will admit that the thought of closing my eyes and allowing a complete stranger lead me around the room was not appealing. I saw a few people quickly make haste to the door and while there was a little part of me that wanted to join them - I had committed to being there and asked myself . . . "What's the worst thing that can happen?" . . . It's one of my favorite questions to ask myself and a client when faced with the prospect of doing something new. My answer was that I could learn something new - I shrugged off the fear, closed my eyes and as I opened myself up to the accept the gift of being in the moment.

The result, something magical happened . . . the earlier clumsiness disappeared and I found the experience to be quite relaxing. When the instructor announced it was time to switch places - I felt a little tense as I assumed responsibility for maneuvering my partner around the room with his eyes shut. I found that as I relaxed into the role, the more grounded I became the more we flowed across the floor. When we provided feedback to each other at the end of the round, my partner reported that he could sense the change in me as I relaxed into the role and that the more I did, the easier it was for me to relax and to be lead.

Over the course of the two hour session, we switched partners several times. I was eager to try this new sensation out on a variety of different people and selected all sorts of physical shapes and sizes as well as demeanour's. I discovered that the experience, whether I was being lead or being the leader was equally powerful. The gift in opening myself up to the possibility of being in the moment gave way to success.

At the end of the session, some of us elected to remain and continue the dance. The only difference was that now we were doing it with our eyes open and and were free to move without instruction. My original partner came up to me and suggested that we put our new found skills to the test ...and ...much to my chagrin, ego stepped in and I was right back where I began ...wanting to take the lead. He suggested that i close my eyes ... I wanted to ...but my ego wanted to keep up with the more experienced tango dancers.

So rather than continue ... I thanked him and went to the side for a few minutes. Another friend came up and suggested that we give it a go. This time, I made the decision that my ego was going to have to sit on the sidelines ...and ...well ...to my delight (any my partner's) we soon found ourselves gliding across the dance floor. 
Getting the dance in the body is so very important for me - I also know that continuous practice will lead to mastery ....as Richard Strozzi Heckler says "It takes 3,000 repetitions to change a pattern and 10,000 repetitions to embody it." It is helpful for me to remember that mastery doesn't happen over night - and while I'm not keeping count ...I am confident that the more I practice the easier it will get.

Come join the dance with me ....

Lots of love,

Norma

PS - I ran into my first dance partner several times during the conference and on the last day he gave me copy of his book  "Less Stress, More Success!"  with a beautiful inscription inside. 

The Blindside

Yesterday was a good day...I started off with a bit of Sanjana, then went exploring as it was a free day for me here in Orlando.

Along the way - I happened upon this Greek restaurant and had the most delicious hummus ever ...I've never had it so fresh where they literally mash the chick peas, olive oil, garlic and a bit of salt in this wooden mortar and pestle set at the table! It was scrumptious!! It is definitely something that I will do at home -as I'm afraid that pre-packaged stuff won't measure up.

If you have not seen Blindside - I would highly recommend it. For me, it helped me to remember that everyone has their own unique style and learning preference. Here was a kid that many were blind to his talents and strengths - and for those that did see the potential - the question was how to tap into it.

As often happens in movies or books, I find that I associate with many of the characters in the story. I can be the villain, the good guy, the ingénue ...all of them. Like the central character in The Blindside....I am physically a large person with a gentle spirit. There are many that may look at me and make assumptions about what I can or cannot do as a result of my size. There are times when I am with the naysayers 100% - and then something will happen that serves as a reminder that I am graceful and that I possess fluidity when I move that is special.

Sometimes when I first start to move, I can feel the heaviness in my body that has settled in from being inactive - and as I start to shimmy or rumble or shake the hips ...I can feel it loosening up ...the more I shake, rattle and roll the brighter my inner light shines. I saw the same happen with the young man in the movie and was thankful for the reminder.

As it happens.... the timing of the movie was sychronistic - in that I have had a series of conversations over the past few days and heard myself remind those I love that when one door closes another door opens. I listened to their concern and saw their desire to want to make it all better for someone else.

As a mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend there are many times when I want to wave my magic wand and make it all better for everyone in my life. I know that this is not possible and that in truth, I can't do it for anyone ...only for myself. While I cannot do it for others, I am discovering that by learning to embrace and love myself, I can help shine the light for others.

Thanks for being in my life!
Lots of love,

Norma

PS ... Is there an area in your life that you've turned a blind eye too? :-)

PPS ... Mom ...take a break from the cards ...and shake your bootie :-)